Got a big inheritance that’s burning a hole in your pocket? Feeling embarrassed over your big jackpot win at Get Rich Here Casino? Or maybe you’re just a shocking good thief and it’s time to unload some of your hoarded wealth. Have we got the answer for you: 10 ways to lose it online, fast!
Here’s my fav: Sic Bo. It’s a three-dice game similar to the very appropriately named Grand Hazard. Either way the game is a minefield of lousy bets. Like to give the house a 47.2% advantage? Then try the “totals” bet of 5 or 16. How about a specific pair at 33.3% to the house? The only halfways decent odds are “Small” or “Big” at a house edge of 2.7% but you’ll have to look carefully to find that bet. If you like dice games, learn Craps. If it’s the exotics that attract you, try betting on camel races.
Another big waster of a game is Keno. The odds vary, but the house edge ranges from 25 to 29% depending on the number of picks, wins, etc. Aficionados will praise the “way” and “combination” bets, but they’re talking about making the best of a bad thing.
Take the direct approach to losing money online: get really drunk before logging on, belly up to a game of Video Poker and speed-play, say 40-50 hands a minute. Very effective.
Here’s another way to maximize your losses at Video Poker. Since a full-pay 9/6 machine only gives a 0.5% advantage to the house, go for something more challenging like an 8/5 (2.7% house advantage) or best of all a nice 6/5 machine that throws a full 5.0% the house’s way. And while you’re at it keep trying to fill that broken, low-end Straight.
Sit in on an online poker game without knowing even the basic 789bet rules. After all, you can learn as you go, right? And if you’re the selective sort, start with a nice little $10-$20 multi-player Texas Hold’em. It’s relatively easy to lose $1000 a hand if you like to hang in there just to see what the other guys have got.
Need a quick buck-waster at the Craps table? Try the “Any Seven” bet. Your odds are five-to-one, you’ll only get paid at four-to-one, and you’re sacrificing a 16.67% advantage to the house. Bet heavily, you’ll be able to logoff sooner.
Here’s a nice easy one: go to an unlicensed online casino with a shabby website using unknown software, but be sure not to research the casino first and don’t read any of their policies or “fine print.” Now hand them your credit card and if you win anything, pray you’ll collect your winnings in a reasonable time frame.
Like to squander in style? Put on your tux, get a seat at a high-stakes Baccarat table where the Tie pays 8-to-1 and bet only on Tie. That’s a 14.4% advantage the house gets and with this particular game it’ll all be over soon. But hey, you look good while you’re doing it. And don’t forget the immortal line: “Broke, dead broke.”
Go to an online gambling portal that mysteriously only recommends five casinos that all look alike, use the same software and are operated by domains registered to the same company. It’s especially good if the site blacklists all other casinos.
Last but not least, make sure not to check your credit card records at the end of the month. The disreputable — or accident prone — casinos have been known to double or even triple bill player’s cards without batting an eyelash. But you don’t care about that sort of thing do you, Big Guy? It’s only money money money.…